I received some pretty upsetting news today. It really got me down, and I in all honestly I am still really disappointed right now. But I keep telling myself that it just was not meant to be and life will go on. I will find what I am looking for life just needs to teach me a few lessons first. If I have learned anything over the past few years, its that the universe gives you what you are asking for only when you are ready to receive it.
Failure sucks but its one of the best teaching tools you will ever come across. My 6 years of training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has very pointedly burned that into my brain. You learn the most by failing initially. It teaches you what you should not do, and gives you a better idea of what might work. So whenever you hit a stubbling block like I did today take a step back, and try to find what this experience has taught you. How can you improve on what you failed at? What can you do to change the outcome? When you find your answer attempt that. If that does not work then repeat the above process.
The only way you truly lose is when you accept failure. When you decide to give up on what you want and settle for what you have. No one has ever gotten to the top by giving up. So I am going to figure out what my next step is and take it. I suggest you do the same whenever you are faced with failure.
How many times in your life have you shared a dream or an idea with someone and they have shut you down? Really think about it. Was it a family member or a coworker? How did that make you feel? What did you do? Did you throw that dream out or did you pursue it still? There are people out there that hate to see people succeed in life. They are jealous of talent, and ridicule people who go for their dreams. When this negativity is coming from your family it can be extremely detrimental to your personal growth. You can shrug off a coworkers opinions. They do not know the real you. They did not see where you came from or who you had to become to grow from your past experiences. But when it comes from family it almost always stops you in your tracks.
The only advise I can give to someone who had their dream stomped on by people who never got ahead in life is to prove them wrong. You are literally the only person that can make your dreams come true. Someone who has never pushed for better is always looking to be around people who have the same lack of ambition. They do not want to see others success because it reminds them that they could have had better in life. They just didn’t put in the work. You put in the work! You make your dreams a reality. In today’s world, where information is at the tips of your fingers, you do not have an excuse. Work towards your dreams, or stay unmotivated. It’s no one else’s fault but yourself. Read the quote below anytime you need to remember who is in control of your ambitions.
My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.
By: Elaine Maxwell
My mother gave this quote to me in a frame for my high school graduation present. Though the dreams and goals I had at that time were different I still worked towards them until my dreams changed. Remember as you develop and learn more your dreams should change. Do not hold onto something that you have out grown. Take one step closer to your goal each and every day. This goes back to what I said before in the ‘5 simple things to do to make your day better‘ post. Do one thing a day towards your goal. Do not let anyone tell you that its not possible. People have done more with less! Its all about your attitude!
I am pursuing a goal that I have been developing for the past year with my husband. We both realized that we want more out of life and started to work towards them. Now we are looking at an amazing opportunity that we might have passed up if this was the same time last year. Once you have decided to improve your life the universe will move things to make it happen. So go after your dreams with everything you have. You have one life in this world, make it what you want it to be!!
Its Monday and it can be hard to get excited about a new work week. That just makes it all that more important that you find someway to make your day fun! You can do what I like to do and go find a bunch of funny memes that make me laugh. Monday’s are normally our clean up from the weekend days so finding some fun in the day is rather hard. It could be as simple as walking your dog in a new area or taking a new route back to work. You never know what you might find! But for now please enjoy these few laughs to kick start the day in the right direction.
This is probably one of the most important things to do to put yourself on a positive frequency for the day. When its either the beginning of the day, during a time of frustration, or whenever you need to feel better you should say thank you. But do not just say it. You need to feel it! You need to allow yourself to enjoy the things you have in life, and be thankful for them. Be thankful for any problems that occur in your day. There is always a lesson to be learned so take a second to appreciate it.
I have been over the importance of smiling in my post ‘Smile’. Basically, you make your brain happy when you smile. Even if you are forcing a smile your brain will still produce the hormones that are released when your happy. Its a trick that you can use at anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.
Laughing has similar, if not better, affect on your brain that smiling does. One of the most amazing things that I have learned about laughing is that it actually increases your immune system. ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne shares a story about a man who essentially cured himself of cancer by laughing. Whether you believe that or not, is completely up to you but no one can dispute that it makes you feel better! Check out my post ‘Laugh at Least Once a Day‘ for more information.
Four: Take a Deep Breath
So simple right? Breathe. We do it all day every day and never really think about it. Taking a deep breath increases the amount of oxygen in your body, and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system. This is your ‘rest and digest’ function in your body, and is essentially saying ‘we are OK its time to relax’. In yoga and mediation they encourage you to focus on your breathe. This puts you in the correct state of mind to focus on relaxing. Check out my post “Lets all Take a Deep Breath” for the benefits of this simple function.
Five: Do one thing a day towards your goal
This is how successful people develop. They find what they want, set a goal to achieve it, and do one thing everyday towards that goal. Even if you only have a few minutes between appointments or you are tired from a long day at work. Taking the time everyday to work towards what you want is the best way to achieve it. This can be something as simple as writing an idea down that will help you in your future plans. But whatever it is make it a habit to always improve.
Writing these blogs are my one thing everyday towards a better me. I always have to be positive when I write these and so far I have had a blast! I use all of these techniques in my everyday life. It makes me feel better even on days I am having a rough day. So before you allow yourself to fall into getting truly angry over something take a few seconds to practice one of these steps.
I’m having one of those today. A rough day can really make you second guess the reason behind being positive. Its these days that matter. The ones that you are feeling so frustrated and upset that the very idea of positivity makes you want to scream at the world saying ‘this shouldn’t be so hard!’. These are the times that improvement happens. Its easy to stay positive when you are in a positive mood. Not so much when you are feeling frustrated. A bad day can start from any situation that can cause you stress, and its your reaction to those stressors that separates you from the negative people in life.
Mine started today with my older dog Sid not wanting to eat his food. If you have read my previous post about ‘How I saved my sanity by changing my dogs food.’ You know that I go above and beyond for those dogs, and him not eating his food is kind of ironic. When Sid calmly walks up to his bowl sees his least favorite meal of the week and then walks away with a swish of his tail, depending on the day, I see red. It makes me want to grab him by his cute little face, stare deeply into his eyes, and yell ‘there are starving dogs everywhere that would do just about anything for this food’!! On days that start positively I can calmly tell myself that he is not hungry, and he will eat later in the day. When I start the day on a rough note however, I feel the need to leave the house and never come back. Seriously…he is the worst sometimes.
But after spending the first hour or two of the day frustrated and ranting that Sid can get his own damn food. I had to stop myself. I knew that if I kept on letting it bother me that the rest of the day is going to be ruined. So I gave myself a mental slap, forced a smile, and started talking to people about positive stuff. I kept my smile in place even when things at work were looking glum. This is where you see change in your mental patterns. When you are able to tell yourself that the only way to feel better today is to fake it until you make it.
You are the only one in your way when it comes to your own happiness. Before I started on my journey to a better self I would wallow in my frustration. I would spend the entire day with a bad attitude and things would only ever get worse. But now I try my hardest to pull myself out of a bad mental space. Its a good day to be a happy person, and I will stop at nothing to make it better. So enjoy today and do not let anything stop you!
My husband is a huge fan of Halloween. October is one of the most fun months for us because we go to haunted hayrides, corn mazes, and theme parks. There is something to be said about enjoying a good scare once in a while. It gets the blood pumping 🙂 But I believe, in the recent years, the most fun thing for my husband is decorating our house for Halloween, and it brings out the little kid in him. He had so much fun getting all it all set up, and this year he was especially proud of his idea to set the ghosts up over the grave yard. Check it out 🙂
Though the idea of us getting excited about such a spooky Holiday might seem weird. It really is fun, and we both enjoy it. I think this is one of the reasons we are as close as we are. For me, Halloween was fun but I was always more excited for Christmas. The music, cookies, and family get together’s are wonderful! It wasn’t until I met Kevin that I realized how much more fun October is than dressing up for candy one day out of the month. So whatever time of the year is your favorite, embrace it, and enjoy the little things! Have a wonderful day and a spooky October!!
When I first started my Journey to a better head space I started my day off listening to motivational music. I really needed a jump start on the day, and this would do the trick. I would listen to someone telling me that if I want something better in life than I have to make it happen. You do not get things that you haven’t worked for. The motivational music pushed me to keep focused on what I want out of life, and what I would need to do to make that happen. One of my favorites, and the one that pumps me up the most is ‘the Lion’s attitude’.
Before I go farther let me explain exactly why a Lion is something to be revered when you are trying to create a better world for yourself. When a Lion is ready to hunt he sit back and watch a pack of gazelle. When he finally chooses a victim he will stop at nothing to accomplish his goal. Even if another gazelle practically runs into his mouth he will ignore all but the one he decided he wants. Whether this is a good survival practice or not it is something to be admired. It’s also probably why the lionesses spend most of the time hunting.
We can all learn from a Lion’s tenacity. If you want something you have to go for it. Do not let yourself be sidetracked. No matter what that distraction can be you need to be laser focused on your ideal life or you will not reach it. Another reason why we should try to emanate Lion’s is their regalness. A pack of Hyena’s are one of the most dangerous animal groups. They are strong, capable, and together they can take on a Lion. But when you hear a Hyena’s yip comparatively to a Lion’s roar. The Lion’s roar is going to the one that prompts you to go grab a fresh pair of underwear if you get what I’m saying ;-). This is an animal that is completely confident that it can take down whatever comes in his path, because out in the wild you do not get to second guess yourself. In a survival situation you want to be strong enough to take care of yourself. and not rely on your pack to get you out of trouble. So take tenacity and apply it to whatever goal you are trying to accomplish. BE A LION!
We all have those people in our lives that just seem to suck the energy right out of you. The people that no matter what the situation will always gravitate to complaining. This is one of the biggest stumbling blocks you will come across when trying to better your emotional health. I was one of those people once. Honestly its a lot easier to simply complain about life then it is to force yourself to see the good in everything.
Now that I am in the processes of changing my mind frame I find that there are certain people, I use to want to be around, that now I try to avoid at all costs. Its actually extremely frustrating to be around someone who is constantly complaining when you are trying to become a more positive person. Shout out to all of you that I might have done this to, I am sorry and now I know your pain! Now I actively avoid people that are always unhappy with life.
Unfortunately, there are some toxic people that you just cant avoid no matter what you do. Whether this is a co-worker or someone you live with it can get really tiring to be around these people. A strategy that I have started to develop with these people is to find something positive in my head for everything negative they say. If I am feeling frisky that day I might even say a positive thing out load every time they complain. This usually gets them right out of your way.
See, the thing about negative people is that it can become addicting to always be that way. I use to rationalize being negative by believing that it makes sure I am never really disappointed with a certain outcome. I am always prepared for the worse so when something goes right I can be surprised. In reality I was using my negative thought patterns as a crutch to get through life avoiding as much emotional pain as possible. But that is not truly living. You need to approach things with an open mind and an open heart. When things do not go your way you can still believe that the next day might present itself with a better opportunity. Being positive is not about being happy all the time. Its about knowing that there are always better days even when you are in the midst of a bad day.
In all honesty, I can thank my two siblings for their help in getting me prepared for a better life. A few months ago I was that toxic person. Always finding something to be unhappy about even though my life is really pretty amazing. My big brother really helped me see the light. He is in the process of his own personal development, and has always been a happy person. But lately he has been so focused on his emotional development that its hard not to be affected by his positively when you are in his presence. He led me toward two of the best books I have ever read. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. These are amazing and should be read by anyone who is trying to better themselves.My little sister showed me the benefits of creating a calm environment for her baby before she gave birth. Now that baby is the happiest little thing in the world. All she did was calmed her mental storm, listen to relaxing music, and did Yoga during her pregnancy. With both of these people getting better before my eyes it allowed me to see the error in how I approach life. Now I am working every day to create a happier life for myself.
Avoiding toxic people is one of the first steps you have to take. Even if that person is your best friend you still need to remember that your mental health is more important than the feelings of someone who is dragging you down. You do not have to be rude about it. You can go about it anyway you want. But I feel that if you present a positive thought to each of their negative ones, they are either going to get on board with what you are doing or they are going to find another like minded person. Either way you win and your mental health is protected. Remember that this also includes your social media friends! So go out there today and respond with positivity to every negative thing that happens! Have a wonderful day and don’t forget to smile!
Disclaimer: I get a small percentage off of the books if you buy them using the link within this blog.
Whenever I need to feel better during the day I will look at pictures of my cute puppies! Just a few cute little moments of puppy antics and you can not help but feel better. 🙂 Here is a few to keep you going today!
Sidney in various emotional stages with his cone
Here is a few more for the road! Have a wonderful day!